Day 54 of #100daysoflovingmoney
My tax appt is tonight and of course this is the day I chose to make sure I had everything in order ! The process of gathering and hunting was not near as bad as I thought and it actually makes me quite proud of the organization I have created for myself and my finances. What came out the blue was OF COURSE some emotions about what I had spent my money on last year.
There was quite a bit of shame and guilt around the things I chose to spend my money on, the guilt of not making more than I did, the guilt of saying yes to things that in my heart did not always feel right. I felt shame for putting our family finances backward not forward. When I saw it all in front of me with a number sign attached to it --I was finding myself really down about my choices.
Once again I have the best people in my life to remind me that life is just one big experience and I will have no idea how those things I spend money on will be helpful for me in the future and that is was basically all okay.
Logically one can understand this but it did not help what my body felt but it got me out of my head long enough to just sit down and let myself FEEL the guilt and shame. Sometimes when I do this I feel them like they are just vibrations and I let them just vibrate up and down until they just move out of me. Then I know its done, those emotions were allowed to come up and be processed.
At this moment I don't exactly feel fantastic about it, nor do I feel bad. That might be that neutral space where it just is what it is.
Between some of my friends and I we realize that taxes can bring up a lot of things emotionally for people. Fears of not having enough, not doing enough, not doing it the right way. Guilt over mismanagement, or lack of organization, or the guilt of the sheer responsibility of it all that surrounds doing taxes.
I am sure there are a ton of other things that come up emotionally just from taxes alone. Money has some powerful ties to our emotions.
money, taxes, beliefs, emotions, money and emotions, 100 days of loving money
Day 53 of #100Daysoflovingmoney
My triggers around money are not coming near as fast and furious as they were in the beginning but when I find one --they are Big ones !! I actually love this process so much because for me it is a place of empowerment. I can't not change what I don't know is there so when I find those hidden beliefs that keep me operating at a level I don't want--its exciting to find them !!
This one popped up randomly as many of them do with a conversation between a friend and I about her new avenue into relationship coaching. We were discussing the how when people are dating there is less expectations versus when you are married. This word Expectation was the word that caught my attention. This is not a new word for me to know that I have some triggers around however this time it was hitting on a deeper level and come to find out on my money level as well.
I took this word into my meditation that day and got curious about what that was bringing up for me and Boom I was transported to my memories of being a kid and living with a parent that had SOOOO many expectations that I never felt I could meet. There was this place where we could not do it good enough, fast enough or just not enough was the underlying theme. So because I am stubborn and will do anything not to be controlled I shut down and did nothing.
I found myself under performing in almost every category of my life. I signed up for EVERYTHING looking for that place where I was good at something and if I was not good at it I would bail the first moment something got hard. So I under did a lot of things in my life.
Now here's the kicker. I found myself getting frustrated at the people who came into my life that were not meeting my expectations. I was getting frustrated that people were not doing things like the way I was doing !!!! This my friends is how you recognize self sabotage. When you find yourself getting upset with people for doing the thing you never felt okay to do !!
I am feeling pretty good about this now and I feel confident after going in and releasing that scenario, putting in some new beliefs for myself and overall feeling pretty much like I got this nailed !
Later that night --I had someone text me right before bed and ask if I had decided what I wanted to charge for my services yet. I said no, I haven't because I am still creating what I want to offer and its still taking shape. As I am laying there in bed that night thinking of what he asked--I heard myself say--Oh man if I charge more people are going to be expecting more. Woah !!!!!
There it is--that Word Expectation !! Right then I had several more flashes of times in my working past that I completely undervalued my services. I thought of three right off the bat--boom boom boom. I thought to myself--that is crazy how that has been hanging out in there operating my life for so long !!!
Again--LOVE finding those stories --because now I know what to do ! I do what I always do==I release that story that I no longer want to carry around. Then I give myself a new story to take forward. This is so stinkin exciting because I have so many good things to offer to people --I have so many ways of showing people the way back to their own personal power and now I am one step closer to getting out of my own way !!!!
Money, Beliefs, expectations, 100 days of loving money
So far it has been AMAZING and I feel so in alignment with myself and what my soul has been calling me to do. With any new business venture you start to think about marketing and investing in new found plan.
My first order of business was to revamp my web page and I started to look at other web providers. I personally have always done things that were Free or on the cheap. As I am looking at my options I found a template I really like but it COST money per month !!! I mean the lowest version was minimal but it STILL COST .
Oh Boy --Here we go --I started to have that Woah is Me feeling that now I can't have what I want because I have to pay per month and I am starting from zero and Whah , whah, whah.....
Lucky for me I have THE BEST people in my world and my friend stopped in my tracks. She knows that for the moment spending money before I have money puts me in a stressful state. So she gave me a new perspective of getting out there, and making it my first official goal to get enough business to cover the cost of the webpage for a year. I mean --Yeesh --why could I have not thought of that.
It was perfect though--When I saw it there was fee, my first instinct was --Ugh I have no money. Luckily this challenge has allowed me to catch myself faster and faster to counter attack those beliefs before they fester !
With this new perspective I started to look back at the web page and CHOOSE which one fit my needs the most and not which one was the least expensive. With my new perspective of knowing that is perfectly okay for me to work backwards, forwards, or sideways to get to the end goal ! This plan instantly took fear out of the situation and set me up for my first goal !
money, perspective, goals, 100 days of loving money
Day 45 of #100daysoflovingmoney
Today I had a question that has plagued me over the years and one that I have not had a great answer to in the past. What do you want to charge ?? AHHHH
This question only derails those that either struggle with money or self worth --which is typically someone that has trouble with both because they are so intertwined with one another .
In the past this has been my challenge for the fact that I operated under the assumption that people would only be able to pay what I was willing to pay. Which if you knew me--you would know that had not been much. I was frugal so I thought I was doing the world a favor by charging less. At the end of the day not only does this feel bad but it does not pay the bills !
I had a mentor a long time ago when I was free lancing tell me to STOP charging what my income was and START charging what I was worth. I have never forgot that but apparently I needed 10 years to get to a place where I understood that one. At this point I did not feel worthy and I had to reclaim my worth through a decade of life events.
I find myself here today --pulling together my vision for how I want to market myself going forward and the first opportunity that came along--that question was asked ! I honestly did not have a good answer today but I decided I will decide on a answer by the end of the week because I can not move forward if I can not tell people how much to pay for my services.
As I sit here and ponder what that amount is --I will be honest I still find it a tricky number to come up with. You want what you feel is reasonable and you also want what you think people will pay. It is no good having a high rate if no one will pay it and its no good to market yourself for less just to get business.
Lets break this down for a moment. How does one truly find a number that reflect their worth when it is really dictated by the market place and supply and demand. This leaves me to believe we set our amount based on who out there is doing roughly the same things and get somewhere close to that. When someone is in high demand their fee goes up --which makes someone think their worth is more.
But what if one day --this person who is charging this crazy high fee suddenly one day --their service is deemed not valuable and they start losing business. This was the same work they were doing yesterday as they were today but the market dictated their worth.
I am realizing this is what trips me up--I don't see a persons worth on how much they make or what they charge. So for me to decide on a fee based on that theory feels off and misaligned with my soul. As I am writing this out just now, I can clearly see that a persons worth needs to be separate from their fee. That I need to know my worth as a human to be invaluable through and through and my fee to be what feels reasonable in the existing marketplace.
This revelation right here could be just the thing that has kept me from answering that question for so many years and I already feel lighter and more free to set a price knowing fully that it has nothing to do with my Worth in the traditional sense !
Money, Worth, fee, service, beliefs
Day 41 of #100daysoflovingmoney
During a recent visit with my parents I could not help but notice the words and ideas expressed about money. It got me thinking about that the beliefs, ideas and general way that deal with money and how so much of has come down through our parents, their parents, and so on !
There are 2 main things that were high lighted for me during this visit. First of all, if don't take time to stop and ask ourselves "Do I believe this ___________about money" then how will ever know if our beliefs are our own or if they are just beliefs that we have collected unconsciously over our lifetime.
The second is that each generation had their own challenges that shaped their financial beliefs. There were hardships that we will never be able to comprehend during our own life time.
Those hardships can create such deep grooves of beliefs about people and money that has just been adopted from generation to generation with no one to stop and question whether that belief is nessessary or even applicable anymore.
I can see why we do it. We are born into our families and at the core of every human there is a basic need of belonging. With that need we adapt to belong, to be loved to be part of clan. So if we don't see things eye to eye with our clan we might be labeled as the "difficult" one or the "Black Sheep of the family". I am pretty sure that is not on the top of most peoples agenda is to be the odd one out of the fam.
I found myself being just that person. I am the idealist, the optimist, the dreamer. That is how I see it through my eyes. I have been labeled irresponsible, immature, and unrealistic.
The point is that we need people like us to break those family cycles that keep regurgitating a belief over and over again without anyone stopping to ask ---Why Do we Still Believe This ?? Isn't there another way to see things ?? Isn't there another way to operate going forward that feels more serving to myself and the whole ?
I will most likely ALWAYS ask those questions. I don't blame or shame anyone in any area of my family for what their beliefs are. I have not lived their life, I have not had their experiences that shape their world. I have my own world to shape and I am consciously choosing day by day what I want to believe going forward.
I hope my children find their own beliefs about money that is separate from mine, one that suits their lifetime and the way their economy is. I know that is hard to do when we as kids just absorb what our parents do more so than what they say.
This was actually a big factor in me doing this money challenge--I wanted to have a healthy relationship with money so that my actions reflected that and my kids would pick that up and not the toxic one that I had going in. Their beliefs are probably already settled in but that doesn't me that me shifting won't shift them as well.
To be honest my kids are GREAT teachers about money--because they don't HAVE hangups about money and I watch and learn from them everyday !!
money, beliefs, generations, 100 days of loving money
Day 39 of #100daysoflovingmoney
Life Path 8
I have a good friend who loves the study of numerology so she was my Go-To yesterday when I messaged her and said "Why I am sooo tortured over this money thing" I felt like all of this strife and grief felt bigger to me than to just get "okay" with money. Well it is !! Mainly because my Life Path number is an 8 !
Now here is my explanation of numerology plain and simple. Every number has a frequency and vibration and we have numbers that correspond with the our lives. If you think about it EVERYTHING around us operates in numbers. Our birth dates, our social security numbers, Our addresses, our anniversaries and holidays, our banking system, and our educational system. NUMBERS, NUMBERS, NUMBERS !!! You would be crazy not to see how much numbers play a side by side role in our lives.
Whether you totally understand it or not--it is quite fascinating when you dive in and see how your numbers correspond with you and how your operate. So back to life path 8. One of the main purposes of a life path 8 is MONEY !!!!
According to Felicia Bender --here is a tiny piece of what a Life Path 8 is Here to work on
8 LIFE PATH: The Powerhouse
Personal Mission: To Develop Abundance, Power, and the Satisfaction That Comes From Success In The Material World.
The lesson of the 8 Life Path is how to manage your personal relationship with power and money. This path is about establishing and building financial security. You seek the freedom that comes from being financially stable. From early on, your drive will center on money in one way or another.
The 8 Life Path isn’t particularly easy sailing, since you’re meant to use power, influence, authority, and control to make a positive difference in the world. You're guaranteed to have big "Authority Issues" early in your life - and possibly all your life.
You’ll tend to be either a huge success or a major "failure"—or both at different times.
Yours is the journey of money, power, and authority, and, while that may sound fabulous, this path demands a great deal of discipline, wisdom, and fortitude.
Click Here for the Rest of the goodies with an 8 Life Path
--Here is some interesting facts on Pythagoras and the early days of Numbers:
Pythagoras and his followers, known as Pythagoreans, studied mathematics, music and philosophy. Many textbooks credit the Pythagorean school with several important discoveries, including:
Discoveries like this led the Pythagoreans to the conclusion that "all is number." According to one interpretation, this means that people can measure everything in the world and describe it in terms of numbers and proportions. This is a reasonable idea, and it has had a big influence on science and mathematics. But according to another interpretation, "all is number" means that everything in the world is made of numbers and can be reduced to a numerical value.--
By Tracy V Wilson--How Numerology Works
Lynette is someone I was introduced to last year and she was hugely instrumental in bringing me back to a place where I could see numbers and have fun with them again. She brought numerology back to life for me and she is incredibly talented at this !!
If you would like to have your numbers run for you personally check her out !! (Here) Lynette Janine from Numerology Obsession
I find at the end of the Day --The numbers are just a fun way to tap into another tool to assist you in this beautiful life and squeeze the most out of it. I don't live or die by my numbers. Honestly most of the time I am not really even thinking about them but when there is something I am working through or I could use help understanding I love to look at the numbers and have my spirit show me through the numbers what to look at differently !
I hope you can have as much fun as I do playing around with your numbers !! There are A LOT !!! Just reading what I did with the Life Path 8---gave me such a Direct Insight to why this Money thing was so big for me and I will use that information to keep moving forward !!
numerology, money, 100 days of loving money
Day 38 of #100daysoflovingmoney
New Belief: Is is SAFE (OKAY) to NOT make money !!
Why on earth would I SAY that ?! Well I will tell you why and it started with this quilt that I am selling on Swap and Shop. Two things happened this past weekend that brought something up to the surface that got my full attention !
The first thing that happened was a business opportunity that presented itself to me, well actually one I have known about for awhile now and as much as I like the IDEA of this opportunity, there is something that just doesn't fit within my soul. The 2nd one was this Quilt that I had for sell on Swap and Shop.
Let me tell you about the quilt first. I had this quilt at a certain price and felt that it was a good price for the product. I had someone offer me less, which was no big deal other than she offered a lot less and then wanted me to drive out of my way to meet. I did what most of do when selling I started to negotiate. What popped up for me in this process was that space where I was starting to meet her demands because I was telling myself "well some money was better than no money", while at the same time feeling crummy about this whole exchange.
The 2nd part was about this business opportunity that if I chose to let it go or not make it happen than I don't have a back up plan !! Anyone out there ever felt like that ? I am going to say that's a YES.
Between these Two Situations it became apparently clear to me that I had this underlying belief that
"It is not okay to make money" !!!
Do you realize how BIG this IS ??!! This particular belief is the root of half of my self sabotage. I mean think about it. What do we do the minute something is off limits or not okay--we do just the opposite of our DESIRE !!!
** It's not okay to eat Bread --all of a sudden we crave bread and will eat it in secret
** Its not okay to be spending money--Oh Hello new shoes !
** Its not okay to date "those kind of men"--Well guess who you just went out with last Saturday night
** Its not okay to be yourself---You will keep pretending to be something else until you are mentally and emotionally spent
Do you get where I am going with this. I made it "NOT OKAY " to NOT make money. prt of me that stilled believed that I would be "unworthy" if I did not make money. I was not worthy if I did not pay for things myself. I was not worthy if I could not financially take care of myself. If I didn't make money--then what was I good for--just a freeloader who is irresponsible.
That feels pretty yucky, doesn't it. When I recognized those things still looping in my thoughts, it made so much sense to me. This is why I was willing to take less and drive farther for this Quilt than I wanted to --because if I didn't than I was turning down money and it was NOT OKAY. This is why I would continue to try to earn money with this opportunity even though it sucked the life out of me, because it was NOT OKAY to make money.
I thought of ALL of things over the years I did that I either did because I thought I HAD TO. All the times I gave into a transaction or gave my services away because some money was better than no money. I could not even tell you where this Belief started and/ or Why. At this point I don't really care. What I do care about, is that I now know that it was there and I can start to rewire that in my brain and body.
This is not permission to not make money. This is actually just the opposite ! Its almost like reverse psychology to the brain. When something finally becomes "SAFE" or "OKAY" there is no longer a need to PUSH BACK against it. I have a theme of Freedom that I came into this life with and anywhere and everywhere my freedom is challenged, I find myself pushing back and doing the opposite of what I desire. So for me this is HUGE !!!!!!
Will I take that business opportunity and run with it anyway--I just may. Will I sell the Quilt for less--NO WAY. That I am firm on my price and how far I will go because It is NOW SAFE for me to not make money and I don't have to "settle" for a crappy transaction anymore.
Money, 100 days of loving money, beliefs, subconscious, limiting beliefs
Day 36 of #100daysoflovingmoney
This bag right here might have saved the day !! Not literally but for what I am doing with this challenge, then YES it totally turned things around ! I was leisurly scrolling through Facebook this morning and this Ad for THIS bag came up. Instantly I was like "Oh I really want that ". Of course my first thought was --I bet it is way too expensive. (There's that "E" word) from Day 9. When I saw that it was $129, I thought I could that ! Because as of yesterday I can anything around $100 dollars (if your like WHAT ? Check out my new experiment from day 35).
Was I in the market for a small bag --YES I was. I had thought about getting one the last 3 trips I had been on. Was this the size I wanted. YES it was. Was this in a price range that I felt comfortable with, initially YES it was. So then WHY in the Hell was I about to start with all the reasons not to purchase this BAG !!! Was this not where I was heading. Moving into that space where I felt that I had ENOUGH. This money for this bag was not going to take food off my table or shut off my electricity so WTF.
Luckily I had enough sense to keep the screen up and go and get in a different head space before pushing the buy button ! During my meditation I got the message that I had been doing all the mental work but it was STILL hanging out in my body. Well for me that would explain a lot about why I just could not get into that "Feeling" space with all of this. It was "Stuck" clogging up my energetic body. The body work was necessary to get back to that imagination state.
I laid down and used Reiki on myself. When working on yourself all while I was saying to myself that I was ready to release all forms of LACK out of my body. I felt it like a huge lump in my Sacral Chakra. After about 10 min I felt a calmness and instantly thought of that darn bag. Although this time in my mind I had the bag, I was opening it up, I was feeling the fabric. I was able to see me with it at the airport, and on the luggage terminal. I saw me packing my things in it with my passport laying on top of it ! The phrase "I wonder where me and this bag are going to go ?" I "I wonder where all the places we will explore will be".
OH, this was doing it !! I was FINALLY feeling that space of Alignment to what I had been mentally trying to do for a week now. I was so happy and I could not wait to go and purchase that bag. I actually didn't right away. I went for a walk and realized how much that meditation did for me and I did not even need the bag in my possession to get there !
This is the shift I so desperately needed to move my needle of Belief up a notch and I actually am going to buy the bag. I am not going to price check it, I am not going to shop around for a better deal, and I am not going to look online for anything better. Me and my bag found each other and I am saying "YES" to the bag !!!
So if anyone has a really cool place for me and my bag to come and visit ---Let me know --I am ready for it !!!
Money, Visualization, reiki, imagination, 100 days of loving money, beliefs, energy
Day 35 of #100daysoflovingmoney
Let me take you for a walk in my brain for the day so you can either resonate or think "Good Grief" do people still think this way !
I was flying high yesterday on a cloud of connections and Ah ha's that were going to turn this whole ship around and move me into my oceans of desire. I was feeling so good I called my husband and said "lets take the family out for dinner" kind of good. My family of six for dinner, which I rarely allow myself to do kind of good . This was a decision I was totally happy about until that moment when the check came. In the matter of seconds I went from having a great time to Ugh--"that's expensive" which in turn triggered "Oh man now there's not enough for _______________".
It really doesn't matter what there wasn't enough for --I just felt the pangs and that space again of "Not Enough". The perpetual fear of lack I cycle in and out of my brain and then operate this belief with every action I take. Now, a couple of things caught my attention on this. First I caught it pretty quick, and it popped up RIGHT after I allowed myself to operate bigger.
This is actually a great thing I realized today because it lets me know I am on the right track. In the moment I could not recognize it for what it was, however today I can see it showing me that my "Belief" system is not there yet. I have not matched the frequency and vibration of "There is an abundance" , "There is ENOUGH" yet. If you did not catch that--I am not fully aligned with that YET !!!!
This was part of our topic of conversation yesterday about when you are from
Point A--Desiring Something and you want to get to
Point B --The Belief Desired or Outcome
Funny that the conversation has now become my own experimental course in this area of desire meeting reality in the form of freaking out about paying for dinner.
The point is I will now have to realize where I am at currently and keep taking some steps to "FEEL" more abundant. This is NOT going to happen in my current environment the way I have been using my time so here is my plan:
1. I am going to get into my play space in my head a bit more and start researching some trips and go through the whole process of lining up lodging, airfare, activities and maybe even putting up some pictures so I can REALLY get my head in the game.
2. Take a $100 Bill out the Bank and Carry it around and as I go places I am going to mentally have fun with all the things I could buy with that $100 each and every place I go.
This was tip I found in this article and he has several more if you need more ideas
8 Magical Ways to Feel More Abundant
Obviously this is not Rocket Science --it IS Quantum Science. I have been pouring myself into learning all of this information for years and I really want to embody it, use it, experiment with it and ultimately KNOW that I have the ability all along to apply it !! I am grateful for dinner experience last night for showing me where I needed to go next !
Money, 100 days of loving money, limiting beliefs, vibration, frequency, beliefs, not enough
Day 34 of #100daysoflovingmoney
I just had an amazing morning of CONNECTION between a group of woman that highlighted something I had been noticing about my money. The lack of connection I feel with it. When I thought about it more, it reminded me of 2 transactions I had yesterday.
The 1st one-- I paid for parking with my credit card--the exchange was punching in numbers
Then 2nd one--I paid for my lunch with cash. I physically had to touch my money--hand it someone and then take money back from this person.
There was something so different I felt on the 2nd one--a real connection to what I was exchanging for was real and personal.
When I started this journey --the idea was to build a new relationship with money and we all know that relationships NEED connection. So much of our money is just numbers on a screen that get passed back and forth without any real physical touch on it.
** Our Paychecks get sent right to our bank and sometimes our Savings accts do too. ( I know some of us remember that we use to have savings--HA !!)
** We pay for things online and swiping a card with no interaction between people.
** We Even now Gift Money or Pay People back Electronically
Now, I am not saying I don't enjoy the convenience factor of ALL of these methods but I did realize it was hard for me to find a "LOVING" connection to something I rarely see, touch or smell for that matter. The other day when I was looking to find gratitude for my money I just could not muster up much emotion until I saw those coins ! Here was something that I could touch and there were lots of them, the sound,smell and the thought of seeing them build up higher and higher in the jar was really fun and exciting. It brought me back to the essence of being a kid and earning money and watching it accumulate before your eyes !
Years ago when we were attending this church and we were tithing on a regular basis, they started to come out where you could automatically pay for your tithe. First of all I know this made the secretary very happy to not, have to deal with all of those checks and cash every week so I appreciate what that did for her and her time. I however felt incredibly disconnected from this. I asked if I could write a check each week because I thought it would help connect me to the money I was giving away. It didn't !! I actually forgot about this until all of this came up. Writing a check still felt like I was missing the interaction of giving and receiving.
I have always been a tactile kid. It would drive my mom crazy when she took me to the store and I would have to TOUCH everything !!! I just loved connecting with whatever I saw. The empath in me was super active WAY before I even knew I had that quality. I never realized until this moment how much this touch process really embedded me with what I was with !
So now that I am writing this out I realize that my connection to money needs to be a tactile one--or at least I would like to find a way to "feel" that connection more with the numbers I see on the screen.
It makes me think that I crave the energy of money and when you don't have your hands on it--you don't make that energetic connection
This quote found me today and it spoke to me so vividly and especially because I have been totally immersed with the concept of time lately too !!!
I might have just found myself a new rabbit hole......
Money, disconnection, time, touch, connection
Amy Lynn Sell
My goal is to give people a new perspective that enables us all to have health without a prescription. Mind Body work is my passion. I provide education and resources to those who are open to addressing their health through 5 Key areas of Nutrition, Emotions, Physical, Spiritual, and Energetic areas of the body.