I feel lost, most of the time I feel lost. Constantly running through my head as to what I SHOULD be doing. I have the time, I have plenty of skills, but why is it so damn hard to know what I should be doing !! My favorite word is bored. Apparently I have attached that word to any time I have to much free time on my hands. I don't know when this all happened. Life shifted for me a decade ago and nothing has been the same since. As much as I would love to tell you that something cool and mysterious happened that made me a changed person, like a NDE or Alien Abduction -- it wasn't that spectacular.
It started with just not feeling like I fit with the world. When one does not feel like they fit, they start searching for something or someone to tell them why. If your lucky you will find others that don't feel like they fit and you know have your very own gang of misfits that are ready to renounce the world and live off the grid. I personally had a catch. I was married with 4 kids who I loved dearly ! Looks like being off the grid is going to have to wait a few decades. I saw a video here recently of a lady that lived alone in a treehouse with all the modern amenities and I thought to myself--"Oh now that is the life for me " !!! Not sure I can convince the Mr. to go with that plan but maybe he could have a small house down below. That sounds like a cool arrangement.
The piles and piles of books that I have absorbed, collected, poured over with each new book being the promise of this just might be the one to help me figure out life and why I am here. Each new podcast, article, teacher that came into my life was my lifeline of connecting with other souls who would "get me". I can see now looking back that those were necessary for me to remember who I was. Who I was before anyone told me anything. Who I was before life told me what I should care about and what I should not care about. Who I was at the core of my eternal being. This is where it starts. We read, we listen and we start to remember. It is like the amnesia that was being pumped into your veins 24/7 is slowly being tapered off.
Remembering is liberating but isolating at the same time. This is the space where you care about different things than the people around you. You care less about small talk and who did what. You just get more curious and more curious and all you want to do is expand your mind and your beliefs because you know there is more, So much more. Your presence on this earth starts to make sense and confuses you all at the same time but you can not go back. You just wouldn't know how, even if you wanted to. It is like you were given a heavens view of the world and once you are awake to that there just is no turning back.
I wanted everyone to see what I saw, to understand and know what I know. I wanted my posse to take this ride with me but they weren't ready, it was not their time. It almost split up my marriage because I thought there was no way to relate anymore. We were living in two different realities. I stayed because of the kids but that decision brought me to another level of understanding and possibilities that I could have never imagined. I worked through all of my old conditioning while I was in it. I could not run from it, or hide. I desperately wanted to on many occasions. Facing yourself day in and day out, learning to love the parts of yourself that you don't like was like a full time job. I could not go anywhere, where I wasn't.
I started to take full responsibility for EVERYTHING in my reality. I would have gladly been okay to put blame on someone else but I knew too much. I knew it all belonged to me and I was the only one that was going to be able to move through the muck. Day after Day moving through all of your triggers, pain and disappointments to understand where they all came from and why you internalized them and stuffed them in your body. How each of those wounds is playing a part in your current reality without you having any awareness is powerful, truly powerful. Easy, it is not.
I sit here years later, so much wisdom, knowledge and healing under my belt and I still think to myself, what should I be doing ?? The world wants to tell me to get a job. I don't need a job, I need a purpose. I would rather be living like a pauper than to have a job to pay for more stuff I don't need. I know too much, it just doesn't work like that anymore, which is a foreign concept for most but anyone that is part of my awakened gang they know exactly what I mean.
This is beyond money or status. This is a calling that can not be ignored. We were lead to have our view of the world drastically shifted for a reason and that reason was to not get shuffled back into the old ways of doing things. We are the bridge to a new way of being. A world where we tune into our higher guidance for direction, where emotions are treated with immense respect to the body and where the planet is revered as a crucial part of everything we create.
The message I keep getting over and over and I am resistant to is, "Just Be". Well crud, it can not be that simple !! Surely I must market my services, and get my message out and become a millionaire. That is what I see on my social media feels. I am barraged with it, but it too, just does not seem to fit. There is no joy in constantly being attached to that screen, to putting stuff out all of the time, to be bombarded by how other people are making money and getting clients by the handfuls when you are lucky enough to get one this week.
"Just Be" --Is this the next level of my Jedi training ?? Is this the purpose of it all ? I have been reading several books on the after life and as it turns out, each one of those people would say, Heck Yeah it is. We are to live our life with joy and tune into what makes us feel inspired and lights us up. This is our essence. This is what turns the light bulb on for those around us to wake up to this world that we have been so graciously invited to see from a different vantage point. This is our Job, as you would say. To light the way for others so they can see what I see, so they can feel what I feel. I was once told, that people like myself had to go through it first. We had to deal with a lot so that it could pave the way for others to move over much easier. If that is the case, then "your welcome" because it has been a bumpy ride !
I See it though. I see my husband being more curious and expanding his mind in ways I have never thought would happen. I see it in the circle of friends I have attracted. Each one waking up in their own time but willing and always expanding more and more. I see it on social media and in the world. So many realizing that their old perceptions of the world and life may not be what they thought it would be and I see it in movies. Movies are very prophetic in what ideas they introduce us too , long before we ready to adopt those beliefs as our own. Movies are the seeds that get planted and life will make them grow !
Maybe there is something to this "just being" business. I get more interaction with people when I am just doing me and I share it, than I ever do when I try to teach what I know. There is nothing that gives me as much satisfaction than when I see that perception shift in someone when they realize they have been in control of their world this whole time and always thought it was outside of themselves.
For now that is what I will do. Just be, and do me as best as I can and let that be enough. I am still wresting with the money part, I won't lie. However I know this to be just another level of waking up and understanding money and its roll here for us. We are being pushed to have new relationships with money and apparently this is where I get to navigate through it so that it can shift for others. Writing this out, I realize that I actually have a job, a BIG one. One that is unconventional for sure but serves a much bigger purpose than anything I could have came up with myself.
Amy Lynn Sell
Holistic Healing and Health Educator
Awakened, Life, Job, being, awakened life
I love to push myself to the edge of my belief systems when I feel I can go no further I push out some more !
I AM a curious, I AM a seeker, I AM an explorer
The explorer of:
How can the mind expand
What can the body teach us
What is spirit capable of
How we participate in our reality
Where are our beliefs malleable
How far can we push the envelope of belief
Where can we align with others not like us
Can you see there is no end to exploring and why would you want there to be
I have no use for the status quo
and I have no tolerance for "this is how things have always been done"
Some would see this as defiance but it only defies those that fear change
Stepping outside the norm is not an act but a calling
Who chooses to make their life harder, who chooses to upset the apple cart
A calling so intensely that it makes you almost sick if not listening and applying
The time spent in fear of If I speak freely and speak out "What would I lose" now beckons the same question filtered through Love--"What will I lose" if I don't !
Do I lose myself
Do I lose who I came here to be
Do I lose the chance to change what I came here to change
Some people push the boundaries of their body
I push the boundaries of my beliefs
Beliefs are not static, they are never meant to be set in stone
They are meant to pull us to one spot --Experience them and
move on to a new belief
Experience, Experience, Experience
What are we doing here except having one experience after another ?
Live, Try, Struggle, Bend , Contract, Explore, Expand, Enjoy and Release
do it all over again !!
These are the pleasures of my day
The exploration of
where I stayed too long in struggle
where I wanted to contract instead of expand
Where I enjoyed and forgot to release
I am curious by nature
my joy is to see how far can I push my beliefs and when I think I can't go any farther I push some more !!!
What a delicious way to live a life !!!
Amy Lynn Sell
Day 73 of #100daysoflovingmoney
A few months ago I had the idea that I wanted to take a small chunk of money that I had and do something differently with it. Most of the time this money was what I like to call my Fun Money ! Money to go have lunch, or buy something I wanted with no questions asked. My husband and I have done this for ourselves for years. We agreed a long time ago that we both deserved to have a little money that was not dictated by the other person. Which has honestly been a saving grace in our marriage since I have been not the main income earner for a long time.
Now my idea with this money was it was there and it was MINE and it was for SPENDING---so I did, mostly on eating out with friends. I would get to the end of the month pretty much spending what I had whereas my husband does not hardly spend his and has a ton of money saved up ! I was just fine with this arrangement until I started to go through this money challenge and I really started to look at where and what I spending money on but more importantly --WHY I was spending it.
This is where the idea started to trickle in about using the resources I already had and how could I manage them in a way that felt better in the long run. Well I was still just trickling in money from my services but I did have this fun money ! So how could I use that money differently without feeling deprived.
What I decided to do was take half of that money plus anything I received from my services and let it build. My new intention was to save enough money to pay for our summer vacation or pay off a small debt. I wanted to build up enough to surprise my better half. Quickly that money seemed to grow and I kept it with me to see it and touch it and physically watch it build up. This I found out about myself earlier was a motivator to me--actually touching and feeling and seeing the money build. Remember the coins--which I am still passionately still collecting. Be careful I swoop up change so fast --no one can set it down around here without me putting claim on it.
One day as we were discussing our finances I turned to him and said you know I actually have some money to contribute to our fund. He looked at me with such a surprise look and was like "where did that come from ?" To him, he knew my habits of spending my money down to the penny. After I told him how much I had and what I did to build it up, I got the most satisfying smile from him. He was so thrilled that I was going to put that money towards the family.
Later that week he called me from work to tell me again how much he appreciated that I did that and how much it meant to him and he really wanted me to know that. I mean what person in ANY relationship would not LOVE that !!
Here is a couple of golden nuggets I realized. One is that I kept wanting MORE, MORE, MORE . Without paying attention to what I already had access to. By looking at what I had differently and CHOOSING to do something different with it, I not only had immense gratitude for that money but was WAY more satisfied with what I already had. Two, how much joy and appreciation it gave to my husband that I would give up my own money to do something for the family --which is something he has been doing for the last decade. I think it just said to him, "hey I am in this with you and we are going to contribute TOGETHER in any way we each can.
I will admit--he has had the bigger portion of financial responsibility and I know it felt so good to him to feel like he had a partner in crime again. You know what it felt amazing to me as well. It felt really good to know that if nothing else it took a small burden off his shoulders and it gave us a chance to work together again in a way that I had not allowed myself to do in a really long time.
He gave me such a gift that day and saving that money to give back to my family was so much more satisfying than any meal or outing or book I could have bought. I chose that, I intentionally wanted to do that and the energy behind that was so different than the feeling of Having to do something.
Have I felt deprived with Half of my Fun money ? NOOOOO, not in the least because most of it got leaked away to things I have no recollection of. In the long run I am actually contributing back to myself and back to my family at the same time !
I totally get that I do a lot for family around the house--I am the heartbeat of this crew--but when you have had money hangups --it sure feels good to move through them in new exciting ways !
Most people don`t know it, but emotions can become trapped in the body. Those emotions are usually because we didn`t know how to deal with them appropriately when they originally occurred. The consequence is that those stuck emotions will affect the body in physical ways long past when they first occurred.
However, with deep cleansing you can release and remove old, trapped negative emotions and end the cycle of being triggered by them. Dr. Richard Anderson explains more in Cleanse and Purify Thyself:
"Emotions get trapped in cells and when we fast or cleanse, these emotion-carrying cells, especially weak, dead, or dying cells are rapidly released from the body. In this way we release forever the emotions that were trapped within those cells."
Dr. Anderson continues to say that most people are more affected by the past than the Now, and that when we cleanse or fast a striking emotional transformation often occurs, especially when mucoid plaque is release.
If you`re not familiar with it, mucoid plaque is a toxic and often hardened, rubber-like substance that these days is found in most people's colons. It`s the result of years of poor dietary habits and neglect in cleansing the colon. Deep cleansing, is required to remove it.
Although mucoid plaque is a warehouse for negative emotions, negative emotions can become trapped anywhere in the body. Interestingly, where they`re located can be related to what the emotion is - and stuck emotions often result in behavioral blocks. For example, people with difficulty speaking up for themselves may have trapped emotions that reside in the throat.
Emotions can also be stuck along the meridian of the organ that the emotion relates to. This is understood using Chinese medicine which explains that different organs are connected to different emotions. Chinese medicine also tells us that energy from those organs travels along defined paths in the body, known as meridians.
For example, emotions relating to resentment - which are feelings of anger at a wrong done to you - are often lodged in the shoulders. Resentment is the emotion of the gallbladder, and the gallbladder meridian runs along the shoulders.
It might surprise you how many people think they have tension in their shoulders, but actually have stores of waste there. That waste can then block the energy`s pathway and interfere with the person`s ability to appropriately feel and manage emotions relating to resentment---by Kim Evans of Natural News
I started doing cellular cleanses a few years back and they have not only shifted my body composition but propelled me on my quest to understand and manage my emotional body in the most amazing ways. The one I use now I feel is one of the gentlest and most effective cleanse I have done. You can find that HERE
Any type of cleanse or detox of the body will be an effective and a huge support when you are wanting to shift your life. When we release old trapped emotions it is like unshackling us from the bondage that we have kept ourselves in. There is a lightness and a sense of new direction allowing those emotions to move out of the body !
We might feel we are what most people term as "STUCK" with no vision of how to move forward. When I come across people in this state I love to have them do a one or two day cleanse so that they can release what they can not see. This begins the heart and mind to be available more clearly for their next step ! At the end of the day the goal is to understand our emotions are so intimately tied to our physical bodies and you by healing one you heal the other !
Amy Lynn Sell is a Holistic Health Provider who has a strong emphasis on emotional health and the body. She has taught for the past 10 years and is currently taking new clients.
Emotional Intelligence, Emotions, Emotional Health, Cleansing, Detox
Day 66 of #100daysoflovingmoney
First of all I know I am making some headway on my money mindset because not only did I allow myself to indulge in a haircut but I also allowed myself to get it highlighted AND Loved Tipping my lady !! I knew this was a turning point.
The other thing that stood out to me today is this word SELFISH. That word has not been a word I have always embraced with such gratitude. This word had a negative meaning to me because it was usually followed by Selfish Brat--Spoiled--Etc.
I found that as I got older I would feel guilty if I spent money on luxuries like getting my hair done, or buying clothes. I would still do them from time to time but not without a BIG heapful of guilt attached --Self induced mind you !
I started to think about that word this past week and began to see it in a new light. I don't know if that is what made spending money on hair today so much easier or if it has been all of this money mind or both. I don't really care. I just loved that I could do something for myself with NO GUILT for the first time in a long time.
I started to understand that selfish is actually quite a powerful trait to have !! When your selfish you understand your cup needs to be filled first so you can freely give to others. When your selfish you don't need to live by the rules of other people. You can live a life that your called to and not one that you "have" to. When your selfish you can live a life of inspiration instead of desperation to change something. When your selfish you get to listen to your inner voice and not the voice of others.
I could go on and on but the point is that I took that word that had such a negative spin to me and I reminded myself that it could possibly be one of my favorite traits !
That spending money on something that made me feel good was OKAY, it was OKAY that is not the cheapest thing I could do for myself either. I may never be one to overindulge myself with beauty care but this seems like a great place to shift !
money, mindset, selfish, 100 days of loving money, self care
Day 60 of #100daysoflovingmoney
Yesterday I was confronted by someone who has known me for a long time. They did not understand why I was doing this money thing and told me "I had too much time on my hands and I need to go get a F*#$in job and live in the real world"
Talk about a slap on the face for a Monday morning ! After the initial sting from that I spent the morning just taking that in and sorting that out. The crazy part is, I was not mad at this person at all ! I actually had deep respect that they were so brutally honest especially since we only have surface conversations once or twice a year. That took some courage.
What I saw when I really took in those words was me. Those words echoed the feelings I had harbored for years. The feelings of guilt about not getting a job like everyone else did, the shame of staying home longer than other moms did. The guilt of not bringing home a regular paycheck. The shame of trying to stay as free as possible to create and build something of my own that so far as had minimal success.
The amount of time I use in my days to feel all of this came crashing into me yesterday morning after that conversation. I took ownership of it ALL !!! I knew I was given the gift of hearing my feelings through the mouth of another soul and with this --I finally had some freedom.
I have had to be brutally honest with myself over the last 10 years. Things no one wants to take ownership of about themselves. However EVERY single time I do--when I get really brutally honest with who I have been --it cracks open the door to healing in way nothing else can. So I truly believe Healing follows honesty.
I will give you a piece of advice though, it is WAY less painful to go in and be honest with yourself than it is to wait so long you have to hear it out of the mouths of your friends or family.
That person that shared their opinion with me yesterday, I thank you !! That was what I needed to FREE myself of the bondage of my guilt and shame that kept me from moving forward and doing the things my heart is calling me to do.
And FYI--I will not be "Getting a Job" to be in the real world--because I am fulfilling a mission that helps to HEAL the world that has had to function in our so called "real world" for too long !!
Honesty, Healing, 100 days of loving money, Job, money, beliefs, limiting beliefs
Day 54 of #100daysoflovingmoney
My tax appt is tonight and of course this is the day I chose to make sure I had everything in order ! The process of gathering and hunting was not near as bad as I thought and it actually makes me quite proud of the organization I have created for myself and my finances. What came out the blue was OF COURSE some emotions about what I had spent my money on last year.
There was quite a bit of shame and guilt around the things I chose to spend my money on, the guilt of not making more than I did, the guilt of saying yes to things that in my heart did not always feel right. I felt shame for putting our family finances backward not forward. When I saw it all in front of me with a number sign attached to it --I was finding myself really down about my choices.
Once again I have the best people in my life to remind me that life is just one big experience and I will have no idea how those things I spend money on will be helpful for me in the future and that is was basically all okay.
Logically one can understand this but it did not help what my body felt but it got me out of my head long enough to just sit down and let myself FEEL the guilt and shame. Sometimes when I do this I feel them like they are just vibrations and I let them just vibrate up and down until they just move out of me. Then I know its done, those emotions were allowed to come up and be processed.
At this moment I don't exactly feel fantastic about it, nor do I feel bad. That might be that neutral space where it just is what it is.
Between some of my friends and I we realize that taxes can bring up a lot of things emotionally for people. Fears of not having enough, not doing enough, not doing it the right way. Guilt over mismanagement, or lack of organization, or the guilt of the sheer responsibility of it all that surrounds doing taxes.
I am sure there are a ton of other things that come up emotionally just from taxes alone. Money has some powerful ties to our emotions.
money, taxes, beliefs, emotions, money and emotions, 100 days of loving money
Day 53 of #100Daysoflovingmoney
My triggers around money are not coming near as fast and furious as they were in the beginning but when I find one --they are Big ones !! I actually love this process so much because for me it is a place of empowerment. I can't not change what I don't know is there so when I find those hidden beliefs that keep me operating at a level I don't want--its exciting to find them !!
This one popped up randomly as many of them do with a conversation between a friend and I about her new avenue into relationship coaching. We were discussing the how when people are dating there is less expectations versus when you are married. This word Expectation was the word that caught my attention. This is not a new word for me to know that I have some triggers around however this time it was hitting on a deeper level and come to find out on my money level as well.
I took this word into my meditation that day and got curious about what that was bringing up for me and Boom I was transported to my memories of being a kid and living with a parent that had SOOOO many expectations that I never felt I could meet. There was this place where we could not do it good enough, fast enough or just not enough was the underlying theme. So because I am stubborn and will do anything not to be controlled I shut down and did nothing.
I found myself under performing in almost every category of my life. I signed up for EVERYTHING looking for that place where I was good at something and if I was not good at it I would bail the first moment something got hard. So I under did a lot of things in my life.
Now here's the kicker. I found myself getting frustrated at the people who came into my life that were not meeting my expectations. I was getting frustrated that people were not doing things like the way I was doing !!!! This my friends is how you recognize self sabotage. When you find yourself getting upset with people for doing the thing you never felt okay to do !!
I am feeling pretty good about this now and I feel confident after going in and releasing that scenario, putting in some new beliefs for myself and overall feeling pretty much like I got this nailed !
Later that night --I had someone text me right before bed and ask if I had decided what I wanted to charge for my services yet. I said no, I haven't because I am still creating what I want to offer and its still taking shape. As I am laying there in bed that night thinking of what he asked--I heard myself say--Oh man if I charge more people are going to be expecting more. Woah !!!!!
There it is--that Word Expectation !! Right then I had several more flashes of times in my working past that I completely undervalued my services. I thought of three right off the bat--boom boom boom. I thought to myself--that is crazy how that has been hanging out in there operating my life for so long !!!
Again--LOVE finding those stories --because now I know what to do ! I do what I always do==I release that story that I no longer want to carry around. Then I give myself a new story to take forward. This is so stinkin exciting because I have so many good things to offer to people --I have so many ways of showing people the way back to their own personal power and now I am one step closer to getting out of my own way !!!!
Money, Beliefs, expectations, 100 days of loving money
So far it has been AMAZING and I feel so in alignment with myself and what my soul has been calling me to do. With any new business venture you start to think about marketing and investing in new found plan.
My first order of business was to revamp my web page and I started to look at other web providers. I personally have always done things that were Free or on the cheap. As I am looking at my options I found a template I really like but it COST money per month !!! I mean the lowest version was minimal but it STILL COST .
Oh Boy --Here we go --I started to have that Woah is Me feeling that now I can't have what I want because I have to pay per month and I am starting from zero and Whah , whah, whah.....
Lucky for me I have THE BEST people in my world and my friend stopped in my tracks. She knows that for the moment spending money before I have money puts me in a stressful state. So she gave me a new perspective of getting out there, and making it my first official goal to get enough business to cover the cost of the webpage for a year. I mean --Yeesh --why could I have not thought of that.
It was perfect though--When I saw it there was fee, my first instinct was --Ugh I have no money. Luckily this challenge has allowed me to catch myself faster and faster to counter attack those beliefs before they fester !
With this new perspective I started to look back at the web page and CHOOSE which one fit my needs the most and not which one was the least expensive. With my new perspective of knowing that is perfectly okay for me to work backwards, forwards, or sideways to get to the end goal ! This plan instantly took fear out of the situation and set me up for my first goal !
money, perspective, goals, 100 days of loving money
Day 45 of #100daysoflovingmoney
Today I had a question that has plagued me over the years and one that I have not had a great answer to in the past. What do you want to charge ?? AHHHH
This question only derails those that either struggle with money or self worth --which is typically someone that has trouble with both because they are so intertwined with one another .
In the past this has been my challenge for the fact that I operated under the assumption that people would only be able to pay what I was willing to pay. Which if you knew me--you would know that had not been much. I was frugal so I thought I was doing the world a favor by charging less. At the end of the day not only does this feel bad but it does not pay the bills !
I had a mentor a long time ago when I was free lancing tell me to STOP charging what my income was and START charging what I was worth. I have never forgot that but apparently I needed 10 years to get to a place where I understood that one. At this point I did not feel worthy and I had to reclaim my worth through a decade of life events.
I find myself here today --pulling together my vision for how I want to market myself going forward and the first opportunity that came along--that question was asked ! I honestly did not have a good answer today but I decided I will decide on a answer by the end of the week because I can not move forward if I can not tell people how much to pay for my services.
As I sit here and ponder what that amount is --I will be honest I still find it a tricky number to come up with. You want what you feel is reasonable and you also want what you think people will pay. It is no good having a high rate if no one will pay it and its no good to market yourself for less just to get business.
Lets break this down for a moment. How does one truly find a number that reflect their worth when it is really dictated by the market place and supply and demand. This leaves me to believe we set our amount based on who out there is doing roughly the same things and get somewhere close to that. When someone is in high demand their fee goes up --which makes someone think their worth is more.
But what if one day --this person who is charging this crazy high fee suddenly one day --their service is deemed not valuable and they start losing business. This was the same work they were doing yesterday as they were today but the market dictated their worth.
I am realizing this is what trips me up--I don't see a persons worth on how much they make or what they charge. So for me to decide on a fee based on that theory feels off and misaligned with my soul. As I am writing this out just now, I can clearly see that a persons worth needs to be separate from their fee. That I need to know my worth as a human to be invaluable through and through and my fee to be what feels reasonable in the existing marketplace.
This revelation right here could be just the thing that has kept me from answering that question for so many years and I already feel lighter and more free to set a price knowing fully that it has nothing to do with my Worth in the traditional sense !
Money, Worth, fee, service, beliefs
Amy Lynn Sell
My goal is to give people a new perspective that enables us all to have health without a prescription. Mind Body work is my passion. I provide education and resources to those who are open to addressing their health through 5 Key areas of Nutrition, Emotions, Physical, Spiritual, and Energetic areas of the body.