I feel lost, most of the time I feel lost. Constantly running through my head as to what I SHOULD be doing. I have the time, I have plenty of skills, but why is it so damn hard to know what I should be doing !! My favorite word is bored. Apparently I have attached that word to any time I have to much free time on my hands. I don't know when this all happened. Life shifted for me a decade ago and nothing has been the same since. As much as I would love to tell you that something cool and mysterious happened that made me a changed person, like a NDE or Alien Abduction -- it wasn't that spectacular.
It started with just not feeling like I fit with the world. When one does not feel like they fit, they start searching for something or someone to tell them why. If your lucky you will find others that don't feel like they fit and you know have your very own gang of misfits that are ready to renounce the world and live off the grid. I personally had a catch. I was married with 4 kids who I loved dearly ! Looks like being off the grid is going to have to wait a few decades. I saw a video here recently of a lady that lived alone in a treehouse with all the modern amenities and I thought to myself--"Oh now that is the life for me " !!! Not sure I can convince the Mr. to go with that plan but maybe he could have a small house down below. That sounds like a cool arrangement.
The piles and piles of books that I have absorbed, collected, poured over with each new book being the promise of this just might be the one to help me figure out life and why I am here. Each new podcast, article, teacher that came into my life was my lifeline of connecting with other souls who would "get me". I can see now looking back that those were necessary for me to remember who I was. Who I was before anyone told me anything. Who I was before life told me what I should care about and what I should not care about. Who I was at the core of my eternal being. This is where it starts. We read, we listen and we start to remember. It is like the amnesia that was being pumped into your veins 24/7 is slowly being tapered off.
Remembering is liberating but isolating at the same time. This is the space where you care about different things than the people around you. You care less about small talk and who did what. You just get more curious and more curious and all you want to do is expand your mind and your beliefs because you know there is more, So much more. Your presence on this earth starts to make sense and confuses you all at the same time but you can not go back. You just wouldn't know how, even if you wanted to. It is like you were given a heavens view of the world and once you are awake to that there just is no turning back.
I wanted everyone to see what I saw, to understand and know what I know. I wanted my posse to take this ride with me but they weren't ready, it was not their time. It almost split up my marriage because I thought there was no way to relate anymore. We were living in two different realities. I stayed because of the kids but that decision brought me to another level of understanding and possibilities that I could have never imagined. I worked through all of my old conditioning while I was in it. I could not run from it, or hide. I desperately wanted to on many occasions. Facing yourself day in and day out, learning to love the parts of yourself that you don't like was like a full time job. I could not go anywhere, where I wasn't.
I started to take full responsibility for EVERYTHING in my reality. I would have gladly been okay to put blame on someone else but I knew too much. I knew it all belonged to me and I was the only one that was going to be able to move through the muck. Day after Day moving through all of your triggers, pain and disappointments to understand where they all came from and why you internalized them and stuffed them in your body. How each of those wounds is playing a part in your current reality without you having any awareness is powerful, truly powerful. Easy, it is not.
I sit here years later, so much wisdom, knowledge and healing under my belt and I still think to myself, what should I be doing ?? The world wants to tell me to get a job. I don't need a job, I need a purpose. I would rather be living like a pauper than to have a job to pay for more stuff I don't need. I know too much, it just doesn't work like that anymore, which is a foreign concept for most but anyone that is part of my awakened gang they know exactly what I mean.
This is beyond money or status. This is a calling that can not be ignored. We were lead to have our view of the world drastically shifted for a reason and that reason was to not get shuffled back into the old ways of doing things. We are the bridge to a new way of being. A world where we tune into our higher guidance for direction, where emotions are treated with immense respect to the body and where the planet is revered as a crucial part of everything we create.
The message I keep getting over and over and I am resistant to is, "Just Be". Well crud, it can not be that simple !! Surely I must market my services, and get my message out and become a millionaire. That is what I see on my social media feels. I am barraged with it, but it too, just does not seem to fit. There is no joy in constantly being attached to that screen, to putting stuff out all of the time, to be bombarded by how other people are making money and getting clients by the handfuls when you are lucky enough to get one this week.
"Just Be" --Is this the next level of my Jedi training ?? Is this the purpose of it all ? I have been reading several books on the after life and as it turns out, each one of those people would say, Heck Yeah it is. We are to live our life with joy and tune into what makes us feel inspired and lights us up. This is our essence. This is what turns the light bulb on for those around us to wake up to this world that we have been so graciously invited to see from a different vantage point. This is our Job, as you would say. To light the way for others so they can see what I see, so they can feel what I feel. I was once told, that people like myself had to go through it first. We had to deal with a lot so that it could pave the way for others to move over much easier. If that is the case, then "your welcome" because it has been a bumpy ride !
I See it though. I see my husband being more curious and expanding his mind in ways I have never thought would happen. I see it in the circle of friends I have attracted. Each one waking up in their own time but willing and always expanding more and more. I see it on social media and in the world. So many realizing that their old perceptions of the world and life may not be what they thought it would be and I see it in movies. Movies are very prophetic in what ideas they introduce us too , long before we ready to adopt those beliefs as our own. Movies are the seeds that get planted and life will make them grow !
Maybe there is something to this "just being" business. I get more interaction with people when I am just doing me and I share it, than I ever do when I try to teach what I know. There is nothing that gives me as much satisfaction than when I see that perception shift in someone when they realize they have been in control of their world this whole time and always thought it was outside of themselves.
For now that is what I will do. Just be, and do me as best as I can and let that be enough. I am still wresting with the money part, I won't lie. However I know this to be just another level of waking up and understanding money and its roll here for us. We are being pushed to have new relationships with money and apparently this is where I get to navigate through it so that it can shift for others. Writing this out, I realize that I actually have a job, a BIG one. One that is unconventional for sure but serves a much bigger purpose than anything I could have came up with myself.
Amy Lynn Sell
Holistic Healing and Health Educator
Awakened, Life, Job, being, awakened life
Amy Lynn Sell
My goal is to give people a new perspective that enables us all to have health without a prescription. Mind Body work is my passion. I provide education and resources to those who are open to addressing their health through 5 Key areas of Nutrition, Emotions, Physical, Spiritual, and Energetic areas of the body.